Make Peace With Your To-Do List

“Really?” you say.  “Make peace with my to-do list?  That never-ending, guilt-inducing, soul-sapping thorn in my side?” 

Yes, that.  Let me explain.  My to-do list used to be the bane of my existence.  The mere thought of it made me baulk.  During the day it niggled away at me and demanded insatiable attention and at night, I’d lie in bed fretting about all the things on the list I hadn’t accomplished that day.  It had me believing that if I only worked harder and smarter, I’d finish everything on it - a total illusion which set me up for endless falls because in reality, I’d cross off one thing only for another ten to appear, argh - and that I should pause everything else until I had.

But that was then.  These days, I have a truce with my to-do list and appreciate its virtues.  

Firstly, I’ve learned to look below the surface of my to-do list and see the big picture positive of it; it’s testimony to the fact I have a life to live in the first place. 

Behind all those niggly tasks, my to-do list is a reminder that I have a roof over my head, a family to take care of, a body to look after – all things that I consider myself lucky to have.  Of course, that perspective doesn’t stop all the admin around them from being a right pain and faff but it does make me feel better about and less resentful of my to-do list.

I’ve also accepted that there’s no such thing as a finished to-do list. 

As long as I’m breathing, there will always be admin and things to get done, my to-do list is a fixture in my life.  In fact, with three children, a busy household, a very extended family and my daughter’s runner bean plant to worry about, I suspect I have over one hundred and fifty tasks on-the-go at any one time.  And without my to-do list to keep track of them all and ensure none slip through the net, the many spinning plates that make up my life would come crashing down in an unceremonious heap and some form of wholly-undesirable chaos would ensue.  There’s no denying my list makes me feel organised and on top of things, gives me a plan and a focus each day and moves my life forwards.

I appreciate the small wins.

Pick up coat from dry-cleaners.  Done.  Organise children’s extracurricular activities.  Done.  Schedule plumber to fix bathroom leak.  Done.  Ahhh.  I’m not looking for the grand triumph and thrill of finishing my list – I just savour and take pleasure in each small win.   

And then there’s this: If I didn’t mentally de-clutter and off-load my tasks, my brain would go into meltdown from trying to remember them all. 

Psychologists talk of something called the ‘rehearsal loop’ whereby our brains continually shuffle and toss information around to prevent it from mentally decaying so I find it utterly soothing and therapeutic to deposit the contents of my head onto my list and thereby bring said tossing-around to a speedy conclusion.  The same applies when I’m lying in bed at night and can’t drift off or jolt awake remembering something I need to do; the minute I write it down, usually by sending my tomorrow self a text, I relax and go off to sleep.

What’s more, my to-do list is a solution to the so-called Zeigarnick Effect. 

You may not have heard of the Zeigarnick Effect but you’ll definitely be familiar with it; it’s that uncomfortable and intrusive gnawing feeling, sometimes even a physical tension, which we experience when we have an unfinished task hanging over us.  Our brain doesn’t like loose ends.  It likes things to be tied up and complete and when they aren’t, it fixates on them and becomes so preoccupied, it can’t focus on anything else.  Have you ever cancelled plans because your brain is stuck on unfinished business and can’t change gear, or been told you’re ‘somewhere else’?  That’s the Zeigarnick Effect at play.

Luckily, just capturing a task and writing it down provides the same mental relief and respite as actually completing it.  It tricks the mind into thinking the task is being handled and therefore into mentally putting is aside so we feel calmer, less stressed and free to reel ourselves back from the rut of mundanity and get on with the meaningful and rewarding things in our life. 

And that gets to the heart of why I’ve made peace with my to-do list.  It lets me live a Rainbowtarian life.  It does the dirty work of remembering the stuff I’d rather forget and makes me feel (whether real or imagined!) in control so I spend less time worrying and more time doing the things I love and which bring colour to my life.  Amen to that.