Discover Your Purpose With 8 Questions
Some people know what they want to do with their life from day dot and others have a eureka moment along the way.
But for many of us, figuring out our purpose(s) and how to spend our one precious life is an elusive, sometimes life-long quest with many twists and turns and bumps in the road. Against the backdrop of expectations, responsibilities and choices that adult life presents us with, we struggle to put our finger on what exactly it is that would bring us meaning and happiness and go to great lengths to work it out – studying, changing jobs, changing career, going off travelling.
In fact, we don’t need to look far to discover our purpose because it lies, very simply, in us. Our purpose is a natural expression of who we are – the things we love doing and feel we’re good at, our values and dreams, the issues that pique our interest and curiosity and put a fire in our belly. It’s a puzzle that reveals itself in little moments and ways throughout the course of our life. The pieces come in all shapes and sizes – an inspiring conversation, a cause that moves us to tears or anger, a compliment that sparks the realisation we have a huge talent, a pang of jealousy that takes us aback when a friend tells us about something awesome they’re doing. We usually don’t think twice about these seemingly inconsequential moments but if we sit up, take notice and weave them together, they’re clues about how to create a happy and meaningful life we love - a Rainbowtarian life.
1. What makes you forget to poop?
Yup, you read that right. Sometimes we can become so immersed in an activity like drawing or writing that we subconsciously zone out of the world around us; time flies by without us noticing and we forget even our basic needs like eating, sleeping and going to the toilet. We achieve what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi famously calls a state of flow, "a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter". It’s thought to be one of the best natural highs in the world, a feeling of deep happiness and satisfaction and of living life to its fullest potential. What have you done that has taken you to that wholly-absorbed, oblivious-to-everything place?
2. What do your family and friends admire about you?
Your family and friends love you, warts and all. But what would they say are your star qualities? Are you the funny one who makes everyone laugh? Or the organised one who arranges all the get-togethers? Do friends call you when they need advice or complement your outfits and sense of style? Maybe you look after the family affairs because you have a head for numbers. Our nearest and dearest are often better than us at spotting the unique superpowers we can bring to the world, especially because we tend to be self-deprecating. So take the time to ask them one by one what they admire about you and see if that doesn’t give you food for thought.
3. If you didn’t have bills to pay, what would you do with your time?
Would you take up salsa lessons or go and live off-grid? Become a kite-surfing instructor or save endangered animals in the African rainforest? Spend all day gardening or being on a movie set? Visualise where you’d be and with whom. Are you indoors or outdoors, alone or standing in front of a room full of people? Your life purpose is much like your life partner in that you have to really love keeping company with it because you’ll be spending day after day with it. So ask yourself what would get you out of bed with a spring in your step each morning and make you feel energised about the day ahead? The answer is lurking in your subconscious but if you have trouble tapping into it, think back to a time or place when you felt really happy and try to unpick what it was about that situation that made you feel good.
4. What did you love doing when you were a kid?
As we morph into teenagers and then adults, we lose touch with the things we enjoyed as kids when we were carefree and uninhibited by grown-up pressures. It’s a shame because our childhood is full of clues about the things we naturally enjoy and feel good at. If you’re lucky, teachers and parents will have pointed some of them out to you along the way but if not or even so, a great exercise is to take a pen and piece of paper and remind yourself of all the things you loved doing when you were little. Did you spend hours playing hospital with your cuddly toys? Or were you always up to your elbows in paint, glue and collage paper? Did you like building things and then taking them apart? What was your favourite lesson? Did you love digging in the garden for worms or redesigning the interior of your dolls house? What were the times when you felt most proud? Delving back into your childhood helps you reconnects with yourself and rediscover the things that make you happy.
5. What can you handle when the going gets tough?
No matter what you do, it won’t be plain-sailing and undiluted joy all the time. There will be tough moments and sacrifices. If you want to become a writer, you’ll have to handle the isolation and lack of structure that comes with the territory. As a landscape gardener, you’ll have to suck up some cold, rainy days when your fingers turn numb. If your calling is stand-up comedy, don’t expect to be Mrs Maisel right away; there will be moments when you absolutely flop – when no one laughs at your punchlines and all you get is a whole lot of heckling for your efforts. The question is, what kind of rough can you handle? When we’re living the life that’s right for us, we have the focus and mental strength to face up to any challenge that’s thrown at us.
7. What did your seven-year-old self answer to the question, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
Do you remember being a kid and telling everyone you wanted to be a vet or explorer or open your own sweetshop? At a time when money and status meant diddly squat to you and no one was telling you that you should ‘get a real job’ or choose a job that fits around having a family or pays more, or that your dreams were unrealistic and improbable? Those unfiltered ideas are a window into your soul - especially given our core personality is already formed by the age of seven.
8. What would be your biggest regret at the end of your life?
Who doesn’t take time for granted and push things down the line with comments like ‘when I’m older’ and ‘when I have more time’? But thinking about our own death forces us to zero in on what’s actually important in our lives and what’s just frivolous and distracting. Is there something you’d love to get your teeth into but have put off and never got round to? A course that you’ve been mulling over or a hobby you don’t spend time doing, perhaps because it would feel indulgent when you have so many responsibilities and things that need your attention.
