Lose Your Way To Find Your Way

Most of us have done it at some point; we’ve stayed in a job long after it reached a dead end and started sucking the life out of us or felt miserable and known the time has come for a career change but done nothing about it.  We’ve known we’re in the wrong place and that we’re not living the life that’s right for us but we’ve stood still at the crossroads.

Sometimes there are practical reasons; the money is good or it’s a stepping stone to our dream job or a trade-off for a great work-life balance.

But most of the time we’re scared.  We’re afraid of feeling lost and confused, of stepping outside our comfort zone with all its familiar assumptions about who we are, what we’re good at, where we fit in and what we want to do with our life, into the unknown.  And of course, we’re afraid of failing too. 

So we shy away from discovering our purpose and finding our path.  In fact, we’ll adopt all sorts of tactics and busy ourselves with all sorts of distractions to avoid facing up to it, from working longer hours and changing jobs to renovating a house - even having another child.  It’s much easier to stick with the status quo and sweep those niggling thoughts about change and needing to shake things up under the rug. 

But here’s the thing.  Not only is it ok to feel all those messy feelings, it’s a necessary part of the process of getting to where you want to be.  It’s only by being lost and mired in these uncomfortable feelings that you do the necessary inner work of figuring yourself out.  It’s then, out of desperation to escape the emotional unpleasantness, that you dig deep, read books, look around you, put feelers out to your network, take up courses and eventually, come out the other end and take steps into living a more awesome life.  There’s even a name for the messy state – liminality.

As for the fear of failing, you may fail.  You know what?  You may fail more than once.  And the prospect of that is scary.  But failure is temporary, a stepping stone.  With every failure, you get closer to succeeding next time because you learn so much about yourself and what makes you happy.  Every failure is a destination along the way of your journey to finding out what your dream life is.  If you’re serious about discovering and living a life you love, you’ll need to resist measuring your self-worth by your success and instead feel proud that you have the courage and strength to be making your one precious life everything it can be. 

So, if you aren’t living a life you love right now and fear has been holding you back from going on that journey of discovery, take a leap of faith.  You’ll find your way and come out the other side a much happier, healthier person. 

p.s. It’s never too late and you are never ‘too old’ to change track and go after a life you love.  The media may be full of stories about twenty-something year-old billionaires but that’s because they’re the exception, not the norm; most people succeed later on in life, including countless people whose kids have flown the nest and they’re free to develop wings of their own.  Tomorrow is a whole new day and can be the start of a brand-new chapter if you let it.  You’re not as old now as you will be in ten years’ time so get busy building the life you want ten years from now!